I love the cosy, quiet weeks that I take off at Christmas and into January. They are always much needed after the frantic few weeks in the studio. But this year I am going to be taking much longer off. I wish I could say I have boldly and bravely cleared my calendar and will be taking some time out for myself, but it's not quite like that. I will be having an enforced hibernation. Actually it's going to be a convalescence.
I want to spare you the details but if I tell you I'm having major surgery you'll only wonder why so you can have it! For the last five years or so I have been bleeding way too heavily. Five years ago the blood loss felt extreme but looking back it was nothing compared to what it is today. I've had many smaller surgeries and investigations and have tried all sorts of things but nothing has been able to hold it back. It's actually a wonder I'm still standing, testament to the strong life energy I am blessed with and a lot of deep self care. The bleeding has been an extra drain this year though I can tell you and I have had enough.
So I'm having a hysterectomy. I postponed my September date as we were moving house and then I begged to change my November date, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get the business up and running again. So January 6th it is.
I am winding down from now in preparation. I am trying to embrace the idea of finally getting to hibernate, of being still and quiet for a good long time, but I am a bit scared. Not so much about the surgery, but about the long period of doing nothing. My body is used to doing yoga every day and walking a lot and being very active. If I don't move I stagnate and then I feel low. And you know that I am a do-er. I love to create and make better, but I won't be able to, not for a while.
But I know that inside my body I will be busy busy busy. There will be so much healing to do. All I need to do is rest and be nourished. So I'm gathering books, journals, cosy socks and blankets. I'm getting my nest ready, surrounding myself with things I love and thank goodness for my tree view. I'm waiting to hang the bird feeders outside my living room window so I have something really exciting to look forward to and I'm rallying friends and family to come and look after me.
I'm going to have to get good at doing nothing.
I'll be in my nest until early spring. I'll miss the studio, I'll miss the woods and I'll really miss writing my three somethings. I'll be directing all my energy into healing. Healing my body from the operation but also healing my heart from everything that has happened this year. I'm going into the deep.
Domenique and Hannah will be looking after things in the studio, so please don't stop ordering! The business still needs to look after me financially while I'm away and pay everyone's wages etc etc. It feels scary to let it all go for a while but the events of this year have shown me that I am very well supported so that soothes my worries somewhat.
I know this year I have done too much. This has been the most 'too much' year I've ever had.
This time next year I will be in a better place and I'm really looking forward to that.
I'll leave you with some photos of Willow in the window from September when the leaves were green and lush, right through autumn to the frost and snow of winter. The next series will be making our way into spring when I shall emerge again like the daffodils!
Thanks for being there for me.x